Its Hamtaro Time!
by CrazyMonkeyGangster
Summary: I'm bloody back! the story hast continued for the 4 humans that are now hamsters take a gander it cant hurt R
1. Part the First

I don't own hamtaro 

"Attention all" The infamous genius of the Masaki house announced "I have created a new invention…The changamagun!"

At the announcement of the name of the machine everyone in the house except our four heroes produced those stupid anime sweat drops.

"Ooooooh" said Trin "shiny… ah let me see it Washu lemmesee lemmesee lemmesee! Pleeeeeeeeease"

"Shut up Trin!" Li said smacking Trin upside the head.

"It probably doesn't even work" Charlie said 

"Yeah Charlie" agreed Germ "just like all her other stupid inventions"

"Yup like the time she invented that stupid machine that grants wishes I was peeling Trins' skin for a week" Li said.

"Hmmm then I guess we should test it out eh guys," said Washu winking at the rest of the house. The rest of the house nodded slowly 

"Ready boys" Washu asked.

"Wha-" but before our heroes could react a bright light emerged from the changamagun and then.

"Hey I'm all itchy," said Trin scratching himself 

"I feel different" Li groaned

"Me too" Charlie noted

"Gee I'm hungry," Germ said

"OH LOOK AT THE CUTE LITTLE HAMSTERS!" Sasami and Mihoshi squealed 

"What?" Li said then he looked at the polished table he was standing on, and truth be told Li, Germ, Charlie and Trin had been turned into four hamsters,

"Let's pet them!" said Mihoshi

"RUNAWAY!" Li yelled frantically, badadadadadadadada. And run they did all the way out the door.

"I think… we… lost… them," Li panted (hey its hard to run in a panic when you're a ham ham)

"What do we do now Li?" Germ asked

"Hmmm…well we can't go back unless we want to be pet" Li said shuddering

"Let's go roam," said Charlie 

"Good idea" said Germ. And so our intrepid heroes left the Masaki house on their own as small little hamsters, will they survive not as humans but as hamsters.

After awhile our heroes stopped to rest in a meadow like area.

"Jeez I'm bushed" sighed Trin

"Man o man this would be easy if we weren't five inches tall" groaned Germ.

"Need food" Charlie whined grabbing his stomach. After that the four hamsters, Li: the all black hamster with a white belly with a red hooded sweatshirt

Germ: a cream coloured ham with a dark brown maple leaf (oh Canada) on his back

Charlie: a white ham with brown markings on his head

Trin: a Blonde ham with black spots

Were fast asleep in the meadow thing. After a while Li felt a poking on his arm

"Trin if you don't stop poking me I'm going to break your arm" Li mumbled half asleep, then he heard a couple of whispers 

"Should we wake them up?" a voice asked there were murmurs of agreement when a deep gritty voice yelled 

"Hey Ham Hams!" 

"AHHHH" yelled our heroes and they were standing in a confused daze. They were surrounded by a group of hamsters

A cream ham with orange markings.

An all white ham with ponytails and ribbons

Two identical golden hamsters with brown stripes.

A big black and cream ham with a helmet and shovel

A cream hamster with a big pot on his head

A fat white hamster with gray spots holding a seed

A brown and cream ham holding a tiny book

A small gray and white ham with glasses and a bowtie

A brown and white ham wearing somesort of thong (as far as Li could tell)

A light brown and white ham with a pink scarf, and next to her was a tiny ham covered with a blanket

And a panda marked hamster. 

"Whoa" Li said

"Creepy" Charlie agreed

"Man this like that twilighty show about some sort of zone," said Germ

"Hey my hands are really tiny," Trin said looking at his hands (insert stupid sweat drop here)

"Hey ham-hams," said the orange marked hamster

"Who?" Trin looked around

"Us you idiot" Germ said 

"Oh" Trin chuckled

"Hey ham-hams," said the big gray and cream hamster with the helmet 

"Hey shut up were conferring," said Li, at this the hamster who didn't like being talked back to got all red and puffy and yelled

"DON'T TALK BACK TO ME I'M THE BOSS AROUND HERE!" 

"Good for you" shot Germ, this made the big ham (boss) very mad and he started March toward them until the white hamster with the pigtails stopped him

"Bozz do not be zo mean to the newcomers" 

"Your right Bijou I'm sorry" Boss said. Then the orange hamster quickly asked our heroes

"Would you like to come to our clubhouse?" At this the gang got into a huddle and after a few moments 

"Sure…if you have food" said Li

"Of course we do," said the fat hamster, the guys looked at each other and grinned evilly and quickly went into a huddle

"With our superior human intelligence it'll be no problem to conquer them," said Li

"First lets make friends with them then lets kill them" whispered Charlie

"Nah lets just beat up that boss guy…he smells like my gym bag" snickered Germ

"Hey guys how much money would I get if I sell my medication to dead heads" Asked Trin, at this point every one gave Trin a good smack upside the head.

"Very well small furry rodents who have a life span of less than five years, we shall join you to this quote clubhouse unquote" Li stated "Come lackeys"

"Who you calling lackeys," yelled Germ

"Shut up you guys, lets just go" Charlie sighed. And so they went all the ham-hams marched in some sort of lineish thingee, but our heroes stayed in the back with the orange marked hamster.

"So where are you from" the hamster asked

"Uh…" Said Charlie

"We're from sunny Alcapoco" smiled Trin, the rest of our heroes just looked at each other and agreed with Trin.

"I'm Hamtaro," said the hamster, "That's Maxwell (book), there's Bijou (pigtails), Dexter (glasses), Howdy (thong thingee), that's Oxnard (fat ham), Cappy (pot), Panda (panda duh), Pashmina (scarf), there's Penelope (blanket), Stan and Sandy (twins) and you've met boss"

"Well since were introducing each other I'm Li that's Trin that's Germ and that's Charlie," said Li

"Need food" 

"Here Charlie have some of my sunflower seed," said Oxnard

"Hey thanks," said Charlie as he ate the entire thing in one bite, 

"So this is the clubhouse" stated Li using quotation fingers

"Yep" said Hamtaro as they walked inside "I'll give you a tour" and he thusly showed them around.

"Fascinating" said Li pulling a small cinnamon stick out of his shirt pouch and stuck it in his mouth like you would a stogie, 

"So Hamtaro if that is your real name" said Germ "what's the 411 hyar I mean how did you all meet and stuff"

And Hamtaro told them of all there adventures and mishaps 

"well from what I hear my fuzzy compadre that Bijou sure has a thang for you Hamtaro" said Li

"What that's crazy Li were just friends" Said Hamtaro

"Sure" snickered Trin 

"Its True!" Hamtaro said getting red (faced in embarrassment)

"Uh-huh" said Germ

"Right" said Charlie Smiling.

And so ends part one of our thrilling tale tune in next time for Part 2 of this spectacular story.

A/N: so whaddya think pretty nifty if not just review flames accepted…don't worry Ive seen jay and silent bob strike back I know what to do just in case they get out of hand suggestions appreciated.


	2. parte el dos

PART DOS

****

Announcer: when we last left our heroes they had just been transformarred into 4 cuddly cute hamsters much to there distaste: NOW BACK TO THE SHOW

The guys had finally gotten acostemed to living as rodents, though it was certainly hard for poor Li

~Flashback~ "This Fur SUX!!! Its to damn hot!!"~end flash back~

"HEY guys" yelled an excited Hamtaro "Its snowing," but unfourtunatley everyone but Li was asleep

"SHHHHHH" shushed Li "everyone is sleeping" at this Hamtaro looked very confused and sad

"Why is everyone sleeping?" asked Hamtaro sadly, the club house had sort of a eerie quiet to it and it was odd for poor Hamtaro, but Li who was used to solitary confinment (thank you very much Enron) was used to the silence 

"Probably because they are tired that is why people and hams usually sleep, except for Snoozer that bastards got it made" said Li as thoughtfully chewed on his cinnomin stick stuck in his mouth. Hamtaro had often wondered what words like bastards and bitch and others meant he asked Boss but he just said they were "Bad words" not to be spoken infront of the girl hams. So Hamtaro just plopped himself down on a bean bag next to Li and sighed.

"What's the matter fuzzy" Li asked, 

"I just wanted everyone to come and play in the snow" Hamtaro sighed

"Well I know how to do that," Li said

"Heke, how Li" Hamtaro Inquired 

"Easy" Li said non-choalantly and pulled out a bullhorn and pressed the button

BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At this everyone snapped up as there was a war going on. There were several murmurs and displaced conversations

"What was that?" Pashmina asked Bijou. Multiple queries popped up like that and other things 

"Hey hams" said Li trying to get their attention

"Hams" Li said just a bit impatiantly

"HEY ASSHOLES!" He Yelled angerily, of course at this everyone turned,

"Now that I have your undivided attention Hamtaro here has an important announcement; Hamtaro the floor is yours", 

"Thank you Li, hey everyone it snowing lets go out and play!" Of course being the eager beavers that this paticular group of hamsters are everyone agreed eagerly ( excluding our heroes of course) 

The air was cold and gray but everyone was having a great time. Stan was showing off to impress the girl hams. Panda built some sleds but Trin, Germ, Charlie and Li destroyed when they crashed into a tree. Boss was trying to get Bijou's attention, but she was talking girl talk with…the girls! Hamtaro, Oxnard and Cappy decided to ice skate and this is were the trouble started 

"Hey Hams" said Stan "How about a nice game of hockey, we'll dominate cause I rule at this game man" Before you could say _Pneumonoultramicroscopicsiliconvolcaneoconiosis_ Li was there with his "posse" right in Stan's face

"So Stan" said Li "you want to play a game of hockey eh?"

"Yeah you up for a game" At this Li smiled 

"You like pain?"

Stan was wondering what he had gotten himself into as his team stood on the ice: Hamtaro, Cappy, and Germ as goalie, they got him in a fairness trade for Oxnard. 

"Are we ready guys?" asked Stan as he faced his opponets. Li Trin Charlie and Oxnard

"Lets play" Li said. And the game was on. Stan's team scored first as Cappy sneaked in a wristshot past Charlie, but Li's team seemed at an impass due to the only true hockey ham in the mix Germ, Germ blocked all of the shots that Li's team put up in the first period. Now in the second intermission Li was getting worried and he was giving his team a little pep talk

"We're down 2-1 in the third you guys, we need to pull off some sort of miracle. And Oxnard" 

"Yes Li?" 

"Stop being such a damn puss take a hit, hit someone this is hockey for god sake you're a big guy!" 

"Yes sir

Soon the buzzer went off it was time for the 3rd Period and things started to look good. With a fierce body check Li took Cappy out of the game and Stan needed a sub he took Maxwell. But Maxwell can't play hockey worth a damn and Trin pulled off a blue line slapshot because Maxwell fell on Germ because he wasn't used to the ice.

"Crap" thought Stan. The third ended in a tie and brought up O.T. which was a grueling battle but due to this recording made by Sandy as Boss announced the game this is what happened

"One minute left, The Heroes (Li) need to do something to come out of this game. 11 seconds left here comes the countdown 10…9…8…7…GOAL! Do you believe in miracles YES!" After the game congratulations and great games were exchanged and the Hams quickly put there gear away, and many had to leave 

The hams said there good byes as the day ended, Trin looked over to the clubhouse

"Ya Know being a ham isn't so bad" a hockey glove flew and hit him in the head

"SHUT UP TRIN!"

Fin

A/N: yeah not so funny this, but ya know I love hockey so any comments and in part 3 mr. announcer?

NEXT TIME IN PART TWA OUR HEROS GET ATTACKED BY A CAT AND…WHATS THIS SOMEONE LIKES LI? WHERE WAS I, AND SO THE DAY IS SAVED THANKS TO… THE POWERPUFFGIRLS!


	3. Partie le trois

****

LAST EPISODE OUR HEROES WERE PLAYING IN THE SNOW AND HAD A HOCKEY GAME AND THAT'S ABOUT IT

Partie Le trois

The clubhouse was in a fury of busyness, meetings were scheduled due to recent incidents with cats more and more of the hamsters had hair raising encounters with the furry aminals. And boss had enough of it he called a special meeting about what to do every one was there except for our furry heroes.

"And that concludes the meeting, thank you for coming" said boss as the important meeting was ajourned, but before any one could walk out of the door. **SLAM** went the door as the four hams that were once people entered

"We're here lets start the meeting!" shouted Li as he walked in carrying an ice cream cone (mmmm… ice cream)

"The meeting is over Li we already decided what to do about the cats" said an annoyed Sandy

"Ah you mean we missed the part when Maxwell boxes with an angry chimpanzee" groaned Trin

"I don't remember reading that in the meeting agenda" stuttered a worried Maxwell.

"That's because it isn't" stated Sandy "And it wouldn't of happened anyway"

"Well duh" sighed Li in that know it all way he does. But before he could say anything an angry Boss got in his face.

"But if you had attented the meeting instead of getting ice cream you would've heard what we're going to do! You four have been nothing but a weight on our progress since you came here!"

"Come now Boss there's no need for verbal assault" stated Germ "we're all friends here" at this every one looked and smiled at Germ for being the peace maker

"But Boss since you believe this is such an important subject what have you decided" asked Charlie. And so Boss filled them in on what is going to happen.

"WHAT! You mean you're just going to lay down and make peace the cats!" yelled Li

"Yes Li that is what we intend to do" stated Sandy matter of factly, but Li didn't like this at all and started sputtering like an idiot/

"P'shaw Sandy" said Trin "We'll hunt these cats for you with my special team of cat hunters" of course the guys had never hunted cat before and certainly weren't going to start now espiecllay since they were on the cats main menu

"Um Trin" whispered Li "the only time we hunted a cat was when Mr. Chubbykins got stuck in a tree, and even then it didn't count as hunting"

"No Matter!" stated Trin with great determination "we shall construct a great ship and sail the seven streets, from cauldisac to cauldisac, avenue to avenue, for as long as I live no cat will be drip dry, or treed by fierce water pressure for I am. (firece and dramatic change scene) Captain Trin of the S.S. Hamquad" at this everyone produces great amount of prespiration drop.

"Methinks Trin has read to much Moby Dick" said Maxwell 

"Trin can read!?" said a surprised Li

The next day Trin enlisted all the hams to start building the ham quad it was basicly a fairly large model of old iron sides strapped to a skate board.

"That's right ye lubbers of the land keep working I want this vessel street worthy" shouted Trin

"Trin has lost it" sweat dropped Germ

"ookwee" sighed penelope who was standing right next to him. Meanwhile the rest of the gang was working on the internal water pressure system (to spray cats duh) it was trying work for the ship was musty and compact 

"I think we got it" said Panda as he wiped some grease from his brow.

"pant…pant" was all poor Oxnard could muster

"Hey how many hams are going on this thing anyway" asked Charlie "there's no way we can all fit on this thing"

"I think he's only taking a few on this ridiculous crusade" sighed a tired Dexter

"Well all I can 'sea' is that he is working us like 'dogs'" yukd Howdy at one of his stupid jokes but a hammer thrown by Charlie nailed him in the head.

"Thank you Charlie" said Boss.

Finally after one week of back breaking labour the S.S. Hamquad was finished

"Attention every one I your genourus captain has compiled this list of those who will be accomopning me on this trip" he said clearing his throught as he read this list

First Mate: Hamtaro

Second Mate: Germ

Third Mate: Charlie

The Rest of the Crew

Gunner: Cappy

Lookout: Maxwell

Cook: (At this Li looked very proud because it is a well known fact that he is the best cook in the Masaki house even better than Sasami.) Stan

Maintenance and Repair: Panda 

Powder Monkey for gunner: Li

"WHAT!" yelled Li "Trin this is ridiculous I mean even Howdy can be a powder monkey first you gip me on the cook but this is ridiculous,"

"Talking back to your superior eh powder monkey?" said Trin " fifty lashes"

"Shut up Trin"

"100 lashes"

"I said you better shut that yap"

"150 lashes" Trin said looking at his nails in that bored way you see on looney tunes

"You've gone mad with power you bastard!"

"200 lashes" 

"You don't have enough lashes to silence me!"

"300!"

"keep 'em comin"

"1000" 

"Ha child's play"

"Li nock it off" said Dexter "stop" he mouthed 

"that's a hundred lashes for you" said Trin pointing at Dexter

Finally the fighting stopped and every one was out side to see the launching of the S.S. Hamquad, there was cheering and people wishing good luck to the sailors and off they went into to the concrete abyiss to stop the cats once and for all.

(from the journal of Trin Masaki during his time on the Hamquad)

Day 1: The ship cruised with great purpose and speed though there was no sign of cats the crews morale seemed unnaffected.

Day 4: we had our first cat to-day it was the powder monkey Li who spotted it we released the boats (roller skates with oars) after there was great yowling and splattering of water the men reported that there was great success with soaking the cat.

Day 8: another cat to-day this one was harder and we had to give chase our lookout Maxwell has not done a good job of looking out he seems to be preocupied up in the crows nest but with what I have no idea. Cut to Maxwell looking at a heart shaped piece of paper with a picture of Sandy and sighing

Day 12 : Our first real Cat was spotted it was a large all black tomcat of the really, really big cat variaty I called for a pursuit

Day 29: I have given the large cat a name it is now to be called betty bobikins, the ships moral seems low I had orderd the men to run 95 laps around the ships deck it seemed to help

Day 45: that accursed betty bobikins has not breached in some time this has caused great anger by the men and moral seems to be gone, as I write this I am about to be thrown off the ship by my mutinous crew.

"Captain thar she blows" yelled Maxwell yes even through all this Maxwell was still in the crows nest. And before you could wink Trin was out of his captors mits and on the bow.

"Mr.Hamtaro" said Trin "lets get the boats"

"aye sir" said hamtaro.

The skates were small but they were fast and soon the crew of the Hamquad were upon the cursed betty bobikins

"Prepare to fire on the count of three…THREE!" yelled Trin but unfortunatley they missed.

"Curses…Mr. Cappy bring me closer" yelled the deranged Trin

"Aye Sir" said Cappy. Soon they were upon him {betty bobikins} and it looked like the cat was about to get away 

"steady as she goes men this one is mine" shouted the mad ham

"HEART FROM HELL I STAB AT THEE" screamed Trin as he pulled out a super soaker and started firing upon the poor cat and laughing maniaclly, soon the action was over and the road was calm. But Trin in his insane state was panting like a dog

"Trin we got him it's done can we go now?" asked a nervous Germ

"Okay!" said Trin immediately returning to his normal stupid self.

And as the sun set slowly in the west the SS Hamquad returned home from its great voyage.

A/N well whaddya think I got the idea for this story at lunch when my friends were disscussing why if captain ahab was a pirate he could have succeded in destroying moby dick.and in part 4

****

IN PART FOUR OUR HEROES GO TO A FESTIVAL AND SOME OWNE HAS HER EYES ON THE CRAZY LI AND SO THE DAY IS SAVED THANKS TO THE POWERPUFF GIRLS!


	4. Part the fourth sub part a

 Ocean man
    Take me by the hand lead me to the land that you understand
    Ocean man
    The voyage to the corner of the globe is a real trip
    Ocean man
    The crust of a tan man embibed by the sand
    Soaking up the thirst of the land
    Ocean man
    Can you see through the wonder of amazement at the oberman
    Ocean man
    The crust is elusive when it casts forth to the childlike man
    Ocean man
    The sequence of a life form braised in the sand
    Soaking up the thirst of the land
    -Ween

I do not own this song though I wish I did

Part the fourth

Ah summertime in the city, the sky is blue and all the leaves are green. And the best part is the annual festival, ah the festival where people of all races and creeds can get together and have fun eating overpriced food playing games to win prizes that are worth 1/15th what you pay to win them. Yes festival the most fun of the year.

"Hey everyone the festival is back" yelled an excited Hamtaro as he entered the clubhouse.

"Festival is back that is like so cool!" said Sandy but before any of the other hams could say their two cents our heroes entered.

" was is dos about some festival?" asked Li, everyone was reluctant to explain due to past adventures marred by the four smart asses that had just entered the clubhouse.

"Yeah, what about some festival is it fun and happy with singing and dancing lalallala" asked Trin

"Kinda" sweatdropped Maxwell

"Wait a minute you don' want us to go do you that's why you aren't telling us anything" Said Li, at this everyone shook their heads and denied everything that Li had just said. 

"Gee you guys if you have something to say just say it we can take it" Said a sad Germ,

"its not that we don't want you to come Li" said Sandy "its just that sometimes you guys can be a bit…destructive"

"That's putting it lightly" scoffed Boss

"Oh yeah name one destructive incident" Said Li getting upset

"The potato incident" stated Dexter

"YOU HAVE NO PROOF" yelled Charlie

"Or what about the flying hamster adventure" said Oxnard

"Ah that was harmless fun" tried Li

"You strapped Stan to a sling shot" stated Sandy

"I still say our trebuchet worked better" said Trin,

"Your not helping" Hissed Li under his breath.

The next day our heroes marched back to the clubhouse drearily, as they entered the entire clubhouse the was getting ready to go to the festival.

"Oh…leaving are we?" stated Germ so sourly you could make lemonade.

"OOKWEE!!" said Penelope jumping up and down happily

"I DON'T REMBER ASKIN' YOU A GOD DAMN THING!" yelled Germ angrily, making the little blanket covered rodent cry and Pashmina went to comfort her,

"That wasn't very nice Germ" shouted Pashmina. The rest of the girl hams went to comfort their friend and giving Germ some pretty nasty looks as they went by of course Hamtaro tried to be the peacemaker once again.

"C'mon everyone we shouldn't be fighting it's the night of the festival its supposed to be a fun time"

"Yes Hamtaro everything is just fun and games in your little ham world isn't no one has any real problems do they, its just lalala for you and your bastard friends isn't huh you don't care about any one else that maybe would like to join their new friends for a night of fun and frolic" hissed Li evilly 

"Gee Li I didn't mean it like that it's just" but he was cut off before he could say anything else

"That's not the point you just care about your selves no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so you can have fun all to your self no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead, bloodied and dying along the way." Said Trin 

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" yelled an angry Boss "I've had it with you four and I want you out you've stayed your welcome long enough" and he pointed at the door.

"That's fine" hissed Li with a bit of resentment in his voice and they all walked toward the door. But before they left Li turned around and said

"Oxnard just so you know…you're fat!" and slammed the door so loud that multiple items fell of the wall.

The festival was fun and amazing for all the hams but a few were kinda of in their own world. Such as Hamtaro and Pashmina and they stood looking out at the festivities from the top of a food booth. Sandy noticed this and went to talk to her.

"What's the matter Pashmina?"

"What oh nothing just thinking if Boss was wrong to kick Li out" she said sighing

"well Boss had every right to and Germ was pretty mean to poor Penelope" 

"Yeah but we kinda were mean to them by not asking them to come"

"True, but…" then Sandy noticed Pashmina blushing about something

"What are you blushing about Pash?" eyed Sandy

"N-nothing" she stuttered quickly trying to get the red out 

"Oh my god you like Li don't you?!" 

"No that's crazy I don't know what you're talking about" she said blushing even more.

Mean while on the other side of the festival our heroes were wallowing in self-pity getting drunk as hamenly possible

"What a great night for a party eh gents" slurred Li

"Yesh shir it'sh a great night for a party" stumbled Trin

"Shall * Hic * We find our new friendsh" mumbled Germ holding some water balloons filled with paint

"HURRAH" they all said clinking their ham sized beer mugs together as they stumbled toward their quarry singing "how dry I am."

TO BE CONTINUED……..

A/N well what's going to happen to our heroes and the unsuspecting ham gang hmmm? Well I don't know I haven't written it yet stop staring I say stop I'll kill every one of ya you black balling bastards! You… just kidding all enjoy this part.

And now a public service announcement 

Enter CMG and ace-turtle wearing suits and black sunglasses

CMG: hello and thank you for tuning in for this saga we have come to talk to you about this paticular story

Ace-turtle: yes we have gotten some concerned letters from parents about their children who read these stories and we have come to ease the parents of their worry

CMG: yes regardless of what you may of heard reading these stories does not cause any lasting side affects or any addicitons 

Ace-turtle: so with that in mind remember kids read responsibly and enjoy 


	5. Part the fourth sub part b

ITS HAMTARO TIME

The Festival part II

People are strange when you're a stranger  
Faces look ugly when you're alone  
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted  
Streets are uneven when you're down  
When you're strange  
Faces come out of the rain  
When you're strange  
No one remembers your name  
When you're strange 

People are strange when you're a stranger  
Faces look ugly when you're alone  
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted  
Streets are uneven when you're down  
When you're strange  
Faces come out of the rain  
When you're strange  
No one remembers your name  
When you're strange   
When you're strange  
Faces come out of the rain  
When you're strange  
No one remembers your name  
When you're strange 

"Ready men our quarry draws closer" spoke Li as he looked through a pair of tiny binoculars as he watched the group get closer to their position,

"Arm the cannon" he spoke giving a few military hand signals, the group obliged and armed the tiny cannon wit a few water balloons 

"Cannon armed sir" Said Germ,

"Excellent, now all we have to do is wait for our quarry and our cause will be complete" It had been a few hours since our heroes had been banned from the clubhouse by Boss and they had not been very pleased about it. so in retaliation they had loaded a few water balloons into a cannon and had readied it to fire on the oncoming, peace loving hamsters.

"Now we will see how the final struggle between human and rodent in this epic showdown." Said Trin as he peered through the binoculars once more,

"Here they come man the gun" he whispered as the ham-hams drew came into view.

"On my mark…FIRE!" and with that the unsuspecting hamsters felt the sting of cold water and rubber exploding upon them.

"Yes a complete success now let us engage the enemy," and they charged down the hill on which they were perched.

"YOU JERKS!" yelled an angry Dexter as tried to dry himself off,

"What was that for?" cried Hamtaro tears welling in his eyes,

"Grrr. That's it" yelled Boss and threw a weak punch at Li unfortunately Li didn't see it coming and was knocked to the ground,

"OW" said Li as he rubbed his cheek, 

"Can we come back to the club house now?" asked Trin but all he got in return were angry glares from the drenched hamsters,

"You think that we will let back in just because you soaked" asked Boss

"Uh huh" smiled Trin, and at this everyone fell down on their faces,

"It doesn't matter Trin," said Li bitterly as he continued to rub his jaw "we'll build our own club house, with a Ferris wheel and, and other cool stuff and you people can't come" 

"Yeah right" scoffed, 

"Fine" said Li "but you do realize this means war," and with that he pulled out a cameo bandana out of his sweater pocket and tied it Rambo style around his forehead.

"Let's go people" and his friends followed him with a look of dedication on their faces,

SOME DAYS LATER,

Li stared in determination through the tiny binoculars, the sun blistered down upon them, the groups had each constructed large trenches WWI style. With razor wire and every thing, Our heroes had now donned special war hats, Germ wore a WWI style rim helmet, Trin wore a Roman Centurion helm, Charlie with a Civil war cap, and along with a few gerbils they had recruited the four young hams stood ready waiting for their enemy to make a move.

"Look at them over there so smug with that clubhouse" hissed Li,

"Captain" said a Gerbil " the troops are ready"

"Excellent prepare to attack" 

"Yes sir" and the gerbil ran of to ready the troops,

"Li do you think that we're kinda making a big deal over this I'm sure if we just go home Washu will turn us back" spoke Germ as he cleaned a ham sized paintball gun,

"Hmm. Good point leftennet but I do not remember where we live so oh well" he said as he peered through the binoculars.

"Hey Boss" said Hamtaro,

"Yes Hamtaro" said boss as he stared through some binoculars 

"Why are we doing this I mean they are our friends" 

"Not any more Hamtaro so forget it" 

Mean while in side of the clubhouse the girls were talking while doing some girly stuff.

"Why are we even fighting" sighed Pashmina

"Because Boss and Li both went insane" stated Sandy

"Ookwee" sighed Penelope

"well I think that this is to foolish" said Bijou, suddenly the door burst open and Panda, Dexter, Howdy, Hamtaro and Boss came in carrying an armful of blueprints and stragic maps,

"Sorry girls you'll have to vamoose we need to do some straigizing" said boss as he unfurled the maps and stuff, 

"But where should we go" asked Sandy,

"Just hang in the trenches they're safe" said Panda as he studied the maps, the girls grumbled and groaned as the walked into the trenches luckily they were not alone Maxwell and Oxnard had been made sentries and were patrolling the area when it happened the explosion rocked the tunnels of the clubhouse. Dirt and debris fell from the ceiling, Boss and the others rushed outside to see what was going on.

"What the heck is happening" shouted Boss as another explosion rocked the area,

"We're taking fire sir" stuttered Maxwell.

"Well return fire," yelled Boss,

"It'll take a while for the guns to get ready," stated Panda 

"Well hurry up!"

AT LI'S BASE

"Excellent men keep up that artillary fire," said Li as the Gerbils loaded a firecracker into a small artillary gun and lit the fuse,

"Sir should we charge" quered a Gerbil

"Not yet fluffy" stated Li as he watched the explosion hit the front of a trench,

"They're totally off their guard Li I would suggest the first wave rush" said Charlie,

"Very well FIRST BATTILION CHARGE!" he yelled as a group of 4 gerbils charged the other hamsters,

"Boss they're charging" yelled a worried Dexter,

"Fire the guns" calmly said Boss, with that Maxwell lit the fuse of a cannon and the proceeding explosion hit two of the gerbils flinging them into the air. The other two hit the dirt and started firing with their paintballs,

"Dexter Howdy open fire" yelled boss as the two rivals opened fire on the gerbils, one fell a paint mark right between the eyes.

"Damn" yelled Li as he threw the binoculars on the ground "Battilions 2 and 3 charge!" this time eight gerbils charged out of the trench another explosion hit three of the rodents the other five kept pace and met up with their bogged down companion. They got him to his feet and 3 took shelter behind a rock the other three hid in an artillery hole firing on their attackers,

The clubhouse door burst open and Panda and Hamtaro rushed in carrying an injured Maxwell , he had been pegged in the throat by a paintball and was gasping for breath,

"Oh no Maxwell!" cried Sandy as she rushed to his side

"Will he be okay?" she asked

"I don't know Sandy I don't know" Panda said as he unrapped a role of gauz 

"I don't want to die…Mom!…Mommy!" yelled the Hysterical Maxwell,

"Hamtaro Put pressure on that welt I need to get some balm" Hurried Panda as he went to another room.

"Li the Artillery fire ceased!" shouted Germ 

"Good tell the men to hold their position" he yelled back

"Kay" Germ said and spoke into a walkie-talkie,

The battle field was quiet the gerbils peered out of their hiding places and waited for the orders when suddenly a few shots rang out and a gerbil screamed and fell as the paintball smashed against his larynx.

"Get a grenade" yelled one gerbil to another the other one obliged and launched inside the trench.

"GRENADE!" yelled Dexter the hamsters ducked and fell as the mini firecracker went off sending dirt everywhere,

"Howdy, Hamtaro get out there" yelled Boss as Hamtaro and Howdy hurled themselves out of the trench and ran out firing every where. They didn't get very far before Howdy fell shot in the knee, Hamtaro ignoring his urge to help his friend ran for cover as paintballs whizzed passed him.

"Crud" thought Boss as he watched Howdy squirm for cover while being shot at by gerbils,

"OXNARD MAN THAT GUN" he yelled and Oxnard scurried as fast as he could to the gun.

The earth shuddered as the firecracker hit the rock that the three gerbils where hiding behind, the flew into the sky and landed near the hole that the other group was hiding in they dragged the conscious ones inside the other laid there with spirals for eyes,

"Germ take out that gunner" Yelled Li 

"Roger that," said Germ as he looked through the scope of his sniper paintball gun and fired,

Oxnard hit the dirt with a paint mark on his forehead

"Panda we need you here now!" yelled Boss as Dexter dragged him toward the door to the clubhouse.

Meanwhile Hamtaro could not move where he was, he was to shocked to move seeing Howdy get shot like that, he wasn't supposed to be here he was a peaceful ham he just wanted to be at home eating a hamster treat this wasn't fair. Suddenly the bushes rustled and a Gerbil came into view,

"Corporal tell the Captain we have a prisoner," said the Gerbil. They then blindfolded the young ham, and he felt himself hit hard wood and the bump as a motor car drove off. (Actually it was a R.C. jeep that they hollowed the cab and controlled from a mini controller from the inside) the sounds of war were dimming as Hamtaro felt himself get flinged into a wall and the slam of a door.

"Damn they got Hamtaro" cursed Boss, he turned and went into the clubhouse.

"Boss what's up?" asked Panda as he taped a Band-Aid to Oxnard's face and went to help Maxwell who was just clinging to consciousness.

"They got Hamtaro Panda we need to rethink our attack plan" suddenly Cappy burst into the clubhouse,

"Hey we got a problem," he said

"And what's that" asked Boss,

"Just us" suddenly the room filled with Gerbils as Li and Germ entered the clubhouse,

"Everybody out" yelled one of the Gerbils

"Except you boss we have some business to attend to" stated Li. 

The rest of the hamsters found themselves blindfolded and gagged and bound, they could make out Germ giving orders and what not. 

"C'mon you idiots I said gentle with the prisoners not beaten" yelled Germ

"Now Boss about our business to attend" said Li as he removed his paintball pistol took out a magazine, and put it on the table and sat down,

"What's this about Li" said Boss with much contempt,

"I just want to discuss us being back in the clubhouse" stated Li

"No" 

"Please"

"No Li, listen I don't like you and you don't like me"

"I like you"

"Well maybe you like me but I don't like you"

"Maybe if you got to know me better you'd like me"

"Listen you insulted us then drenched us its going to take you a lot more to re-earn our respect."

"I'll give you twenty bucks and a basket of sunflower seeds"

"Done"

as the two hams emerged they found the rest of the hams enjoying a game of charades as Li and Boss spread the news.

End

A/N: I had a lot fun writing this episode and which goes with two basic lessons One: war is hell and anything can be attained by bribery, any way sorry for not updating since may but oh well what the hell are you going to about it? Any one TTFN


	6. And now for something completely differe...

****

And now for something completely different.

Behold the glory that is the crazy side of CMG. Now enjoy something completely different!

Quick to the bat mobile. What you lie! Aha to the defence, hey I want some fence! To freaking bad. O_o beans are good for the opposing army, what the couch is gone, feh you all smell like a horse. Behold the ape! Pulls out ape, now we must feast upon the flesh of the dammed, uh oh spagetios. I don't want the beatles I wan the cockroaches! But the cockroaches are out of business.

Cockroaches: Cockroaches dunn da da da dunn Cock roaches dunn da da da dunn, Cockroaches, CRAYONS CRAYONS CRAYONS CRAYONS CRAYONS, 

Bunch of bugs: ahhh we wont die we wont die if you chop off our heads, look out nuclear power! 

Some guy: office spaces are good for the…office spaces,

Some other guy: often I sat alone,

The other guy: sat alone,

The other other guy: at the desk

That one guy: the desk

The previous guy: and I was very lonley

Yeah you know: what! Lonely 

You can guess: and there she lay and i…

Yeup: what did you do!

Mm hmm: I…HIT HER WITH A BEANBAG!

Him: OH YOU CRIMINAL! SOCIETY.

Bunch of guys grab the beanbag boy, 

Guys: SOCIETY

Beanbag boy: ahh jim help me, 

Behold the glory of the marching of the lord and his grapes of pain and wrathfulness, You want some cinamon before you go? Okay(snorts a line of cinamon freaks out and falls over,) HA! I have fooled you with the cinamon that was actually basil, OH No! now you shall die from basil poisoning, look its hamtaro and they're on an adventure, hurrah! Look at the little monkies in a row. FIRE ba boom! Now the monkies are dead oh I cry, look an apple behold its smoothness ah ha, a flying machine apples! To the desk. We must defeat the polish! Let us go!

The end

I hope you enjoyed something completely different I know I did, TTFN


End file.
